Some questions are easier to ask your partner than others, but as freelance journalist Felicity Hannah explains, having a clear idea of your other half’s financial situation is important if you’re in it for the long-haul.
If you’re worried asking about salary will kill the romance, here’s everything you need to know
How soon is too soon to ask a new partner how much they earn? Bring it up too early and you risk looking mercenary, discuss it too late and you risk falling in love with someone who doesn’t share your financial goals.
The trouble is that talking about money is just too plain awkward for most Brits. We don’t like to discuss income, savings or even debt. Many of us even find it difficult to bring up salary at job interviews or enquiries and we certainly don’t discuss pay cheques with colleagues.
However, this taboo can cause real trouble for couples, especially if they plan to tie their finances together by buying a home or having a child. ‘What do you do?’ is an easy question but ‘what do you earn?’ isn’t.
A need-to-know basis
Not everyone agrees. Some people are so private that they don’t believe their partner has a right to know what they earn or what their career might be worth in the long term.
The credit checking organisation Noddle found that 44% of married people don’t know exactly what their spouse earns and that 5% say it’s none of their partner’s business.
Research from Prudential revealed that more than a quarter of people who choose not to tell their partner how much they earn make that decision because they want to protect their independence.
Why you do need to know
Jacqueline Dewey, managing director at Noddle, said: “Our research shows that as a nation we still shy away from talking about money, even with our spouse or partner.
“Whilst it may seem tempting to keep this information to yourself it can have a detrimental impact on your financial decisions and, ultimately, your relationship.”
It is certainly true that sharing information about salaries is really important to a successful relationship.
When you both know how much you each earn, you can set and work towards genuinely realistic long-term financial goals. You might realise that one partner’s job gives greater financial security than the others, and that can affect your joint priorities.
Talking about money is a good way to start talking about long-term goals and that can only be a good thing.
If you want something different out of your career and you are maybe considering going for a promotion or changing roles and taking a pay cut then you need the support of your partner.
Long-term goals
Knowing how much your partner earns means understanding whether you can afford to plan a big wedding, to have children, to buy a house together. You’ll know which daydreams are realistic and which aren’t.
Even more importantly, if you both know what you’re bringing in then you can be sure you are living within your means and not racking up debt.
Top tips for talking incomes
Here are some tips for talking about income early on in a new relationship.
- Find the right time.
This is not a first-date conversation, unless it comes up naturally. But once the relationship starts moving forward – perhaps you’re discussing moving in together – it’s essential you discuss incomes. - Be business-like.
You don’t want this conversation to be jumbled up with any other relationship tensions, like whether a partner is doing their fair share of housework. Tell your other-half you want to discuss joint and separate finances, and arrange a sit-down discussion. - Discuss shared goals.
The entire conversation will be easier if your partner can understand why you are so keen to discuss money. So talk about shared financial goals, such as ‘I know we want to buy a house. I can save £x a year out of my salary, how about you?’ - Talk about more than income.
For true financial transparency, you need to know more than just your new partner’s income. What commitments do they have, what debts? Unless you know their circumstances, you won’t be able to plan for a shared future. - Keep talking.
This is not a conversation you have just once. People change jobs, they get promotions, they get pay rises, and they get bonuses. Sometimes they take pay cuts. If you and your partner regularly discuss money then there will never be any nasty surprises.
Felicity Hannah is a freelance journalist and can be found tweeting @FelicityHannah
If you care about your financial future and want to make sure you’re getting paid fairly for your skills and experience check out ValueMyCV today.